Is bedwetting a symptom of distress?

When it is not of mechanical origin, what does bedwetting express?

Bedwetting is a symptom that expresses distress. Like tears, bedwetting can express sadness, but also anger and aggression that cannot be released during the day. This can be the case for children whose parents don't allow the slightest spark of aggression, who are expected to be perfect, never to say a bad word to their younger sibling. Bedwetting can then be evidence of an explosion of impulses, including Oedipal ones, that cannot be expressed in everyday life. These are also overprotected children, kept in a baby-like state, and who are rarely allowed to do things on their own (wash themselves, run errands, go to school alone from a certain age).

Is bedwetting a way to attract attention? Like when a new sibling arrives, for example?

When a new baby arrives and monopolizes all of the parents' attention, the older child may regress and start wetting the bed again. More than just a way to get attention, it's a way of expressing distress: the distress of no longer receiving all the attention as before. By wetting the bed, the child also expresses a desire to be a baby again, the object of everyone's attention, with a diaper and a bottle. Another example: a child who does well at school and is well-behaved. Bedwetting is sometimes a way of asserting their existence, even if they aren't causing any problems, unlike their siblings who, with their own issues, monopolize all of their parents' attention.

As a parent, what attitude should you favor?

It's important for the child to feel actively involved in managing their symptom. For example, waking them up at night to go to the toilet isn't productive, as it doesn't empower them. They need to gradually develop the reflex of waking up when their bladder is full. And as soon as they're old enough, ask them to help make the bed. This helps the child become aware of their problem and appreciate their progress. It also saves parents from getting up at night—and, out of exhaustion, scolding their child.

Should punishments be banned?

The child doesn't wet the bed on purpose. Therefore, it's unfair to scold or punish them. You should try to understand the distress your child is expressing and reassure them that they will eventually overcome it. Humiliation, especially from siblings, should also be avoided. Instead, you should encourage your child by giving them opportunities for independence—for example, by sending them to buy bread on their own—and by engaging them in activities they enjoy. This is crucial for their self-esteem.

If bedwetting is of psychological origin, is it absolutely necessary to consult a psychologist or a child psychiatrist?

Bedwetting is a warning sign indicating a more or less significant distress. If, apart from this issue, the child is comfortable with their friends, at school, and at home, and it doesn't seem to bother them, there's no need to consult a professional. However, if the bedwetting is accompanied by other signs of distress and the child asks for help, then it is indeed advisable to consult a professional. A few sessions are sometimes enough to resolve the problem.