Bedwetting: talking about it with children

Talking about bedwetting with children

• Every night, millions of children wet the bed.
• Every morning, many of them feel lonely and uncomfortable.
• Others roll up their sheets, put them in the wash, and continue with their day.

How can you help a child accept the problem, deal with it, and move on?

The best approach is open and honest communication. The first step toward open communication is understanding and acknowledging that bedwetting is not voluntary. Renee Mercer, MSN, a registered nurse practitioner specializing in pediatrics with Enuresis Associates in Maryland, emphasizes that the child cannot control bedwetting.

If he could control himself, he would. No child would rather wake up wet than dry, she said.

The first conversation

The first time you talk to your child about their problem, make sure to remain calm and positive. Explain that some people have difficulty learning to ride a bike or swim, and others have trouble staying dry at night.

Tell him clearly that it doesn't mean anything is wrong with him; it's simply a part of life. Also tell your child that he's not alone.

Nearly 7 million American children wet the bed. Some musicians, movie stars, and sports stars may have suffered from bedwetting as children. There are even some heroes closer to home who have experienced it.

Recent statistics show that approximately 85% of children with enuresis have a parent who also suffered from it.

About half of them have a parent, brother or sister suffering from enuresis.

Plan a meeting between your child and an adult who has experienced the same problem.

If you don't know anyone, ask your doctor or call a bedwetting clinic to find someone in your area. "Realizing I wasn't alone made all the difference for me," says Rich, an FBI employee who wet the bed as a child. "My mom told me that two of my uncles and my grandmother wet the bed. She said they got over it as they grew up, and that it would be the same for me. That information helped her accept the problem and be patient." In addition to explaining the situation, you should work with your child to develop a plan of action. According to Dr. Sandra Hassink, a pediatrician in Delaware, teamwork is key.

Family support and positive reinforcement are essential for success.
A simple plan could be to give the child the responsibility of removing the soiled sheets and remaking the bed while the parent does the laundry. "It's not a punishment!" Hassink points out. "On the contrary, children often feel better helping to clean up."

Finally, remind your child that you are there for them if they want or need to talk. Bedwetting can be a very embarrassing problem. A supportive and loving ear can make a big difference in how your child reacts to the situation.

"The more open you are, the less likely you are to find smelly clothes in the corner of the closet," Mercer said.

If you choose to use bedwetting products such as disposable absorbent underwear, it is best not to draw too much attention to it.

For example, plain white disposable underwear—without any special markings—is designed like regular underwear and should be treated as such. Placing it in a child's underwear drawer, clearly labeled as nighttime, can boost their self-esteem, especially when they wake up dry.

A family conversation

Depending on your family dynamics, you might want to discuss the situation with your other children. Siblings often realize that one of the children is wetting the bed, even if you don't tell them, explains Mercer.

A family conversation will help other children understand that bedwetting is a medical problem, and that it is not the fault of the affected child.

Talking about it openly can eliminate the stigma and shame the child might feel if they kept it a secret. It's also a good time to explain any treatment the child is receiving for bedwetting. After the discussion, it's important to clarify that this information should remain within the family.

Under no circumstances should this be told to the child's friends. Parents should forbid anyone from bothering a child suffering from bedwetting—even in the event of a heated argument between siblings.

Interacting on a daily basis

After the initial conversation and the family discussion, subsequent discussions should be initiated by your child. Be prepared to listen to your child at any time if they want to talk, says Mercer.

Don't treat or spoil him any differently from the other children in your house. For example, don't greet him in the morning by asking if he wet the bed. Instead, ask him what he wants for breakfast.

By not dwelling on the problem, you will help your child understand that he is not just a child who wets the bed.

Talk to your child about bedwetting and, more importantly, listen to them. This will give them the chance to recognize and accept their problem, allowing them to move forward.