Are you frustrated because of bedwetting?

Tips to help you calm down

Bedwetting can severely test the patience of even the calmest parents. A crying child, wet sheets, and interrupted sleep can ruin everyone's night, especially that of sleep-deprived parents who may already be overwhelmed by parenting. Karen Benson understands this kind of frustration. Her 10-year-old son has been wetting the bed since he was 3. "My son sleeps very soundly," Benson says. "He has absolutely no idea that we're waking him up at night. He gets confused and goes into his brothers' rooms, thinks he needs to brush his teeth, and so on. It's very frustrating because I feel like I'm wasting my time, and he has no idea why I'm waking him up." Benson and her husband try not to get annoyed, but it's sometimes difficult, especially because they believe they're doing everything they can to help their son control his bedwetting. But no matter how frustrated they are, Benson feels it's crucial not to let it show in front of their child. "I think it's really important that he doesn't hear or see us [when we're frustrated], because it might make him think he's a failure, which he isn't," Benson says. "And I make sure to let him know that."

Terri Martin* agrees. Her son started wetting the bed around age 5, even though he had never previously had trouble staying dry at night. She believes it's crucial to hide her frustration. "I think it's important not to belittle the child, so as not to turn a physical problem into an emotional one," Martin says.

To have reasonable expectations

Dr. Kerrie Laguna, an assistant professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, Pennsylvania, says parents often become frustrated because their expectations aren't realistic. Parents should know that bedwetting is common, especially in boys, says Dr. Laguna. Even when children are potty-trained, they may wet the bed at night until age 6 or 7, and this is still considered normal. Nighttime bedwetting requires waking in response to cues easily recognized during the day. Small bladders also have to work harder, and many children haven't yet developed this control during their preschool years. According to Dr. Laguna, parents shouldn't show any signs of frustration, especially anger.

Children should not be blamed or belittled for something they cannot control.

Partly because it's inconvenient for the parents themselves, bedwetting stresses them out. "I think parents are stressed, and it adds to their already busy schedules," says Dr. Laguna. It means doing an extra load of laundry, for example. There's also peer pressure, in the sense that teaching a child to be toilet trained shows you're a good parent.

Take care of yourself

It's normal for parents to feel guilty about their emotions. More and more parents are educating themselves about child development, and there can be a conflict between what experts say and how parents feel. Parents understand that the best way to help their child is to manage their own frustration, but they often don't know how. Generally, parents are advised to take care of themselves (sleep, exercise, etc.) to cope with life's stresses, says Dr. Laguna. I believe that to counter the stress of raising children, it's very important to know what's normal in terms of development. Frustration is a normal reaction when you're not in control of a situation. Just remember that, like everything else, it too will eventually pass. The secret is to manage your frustration so you can help your child manage theirs!

Less frustration

The following tips can help parents manage their frustration so they can better help their child.

• Be proactive about your child's bedwetting. Talk to your child's doctor and ask about it.
• Make sure you get enough sleep so that occasional interruptions don't make you irritable.
• Understand that this is not something your child can control - they are not doing it on purpose!
• Remember that accidents can happen , no matter what you and your child do to prevent them. Just because a program isn't working doesn't mean your child should give up. Sometimes, all it takes is time.
• It can be helpful to share your frustration with family members or friends. Just be sure to do it somewhere your child can't hear.
• Use disposable underwear or pads until your child stays consistently dry. Much of the frustration comes from changing sheets, and it's not worth the hassle when such products are available.

* The name has been changed for privacy reasons.