Bedwetting at more than one address

Possible reasons

No single "cause" of bedwetting has been identified. Genetics is a significant factor, as is bladder capacity. Many experts also believe that bedwetting could be a component of a sleep disorder. Dr. Fay believes that the combination of bladder capacity and an emotional issue can trigger bedwetting in children living at more than one address. Most children who wet the bed already have a bladder with limited capacity, so they have little control, says Dr. Fay. That's why any stressful situation can cause them to regress and wet the bed again. Children who wet the bed in one home but not the other can be divided into two basic categories:

• The children who continued to wet the bed were examined, received treatment, made progress, and started wetting the bed again.
• Children who have never wet the bed before and who started in one house or another.

In the first case, Dr. Fay says the child's perception of the home where they wet the bed is different from their perception of the other home. It's possible that in one home, the parent severely restricts fluids before bedtime, takes the child to the bathroom several times during the night, and generally sticks to the routine they've established to help the child stay dry. This routine may not be in place in the home where the child wets the bed. To resolve this, the parents in both homes should compare their routines and ensure they are as similar as possible. In the second scenario, Dr. Fay says the reasons may be emotional. This means your child is upset about something happening in their life, and bedwetting is a manifestation of that. Regarding sleep, Shelly Morris, director of the Enuresis Clinic of America, states that a child is less likely to wet the bed in a home where they don't sleep as well or as deeply. It's the same situation for an adult who finds themselves in a new bed, such as a hotel room, says Morris. When you're somewhere else, you don't sleep as well. If the child isn't sleeping deeply, they may wake up more easily to go to the bathroom.

Morris explains that this is often the reason why children sometimes don't wet the bed during a sleepover or the first few days at summer camp. It can also happen when the child sleeps over at a relative's house or splits their time between divorced or separated parents. The keys to resolving the problem are cooperation, communication, and consistency between the two households. When the parties can communicate and are willing to collaborate, there are many strategies for managing bedwetting, including motivational therapy, absorbent products, sleep and bladder conditioning, and medication. These approaches are discussed in detail on the website of

Constructive communication

Frank, from Strasburg, Pennsylvania, says his daughter wets the bed just as much at his house as at her mother's. He feels his 6-year-old daughter is old enough not to wet the bed at night, but his ex-wife refuses to address the situation. His new wife believes he should do more to resolve the problem himself and confront his ex-wife. Frank worries that a confrontation will only create more bitterness and worsen the problem. Divorce is known to be acrimonious, and children can find themselves caught between two parents. Emily Bouchard, a trainer and counselor for blended families, says that if one parent is burying their head in the sand and refusing to acknowledge the problem, the best strategy is to let it go.

If your ex-wife absolutely refuses to address the situation, don't take it too personally, says Bouchard. Instead, try to understand her reasons so you can better understand what your child is experiencing in the other home. Beyond that, it's important to understand the child's perspective. If the child believes bedwetting isn't a problem and doesn't mind wearing absorbent underwear to bed, then it's best not to make a big deal out of it. Making sure the child goes to the bathroom before bedtime, or taking them to the bathroom one last time before bed, are habits that help prevent accidents.

Furthermore, the enuretic child can help to convince the other parent.

But it's important not to create a confrontation, says Bouchard. Perhaps all you need to do is help the child visualize a dry night in your house and reward them if they succeed. Another good idea is to create a chart where the child can put stickers when they don't wet the bed. The child might even take the chart to their other home.

Most importantly, everyone involved must consider the child's best interests. Managing bedwetting in the best possible way for your child and family, or addressing any underlying issues that bedwetting may reveal, will make your family and child happier.