Behind closed doors: there is no shame in bedwetting

Why is this happening to us?

To ease feelings of shame, it's important to help your child understand why they wet the bed and reassure them that many other children do the same. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, one in five 5-year-olds and one in ten 6-year-olds wet the bed.

Although the reasons for bedwetting vary from child to child, it is usually enough to wait for the body to mature. Some children simply have a small bladder; these children will most often overcome the problem as they grow, because their bladder will grow along with the rest of their body, says Dr. Vinau N. Reddy, assistant professor of pediatrics and human development at Michigan State University.

Often, children who wet the bed sleep so soundly that they don't wake up when they need to use the bathroom. "I always asked my daughter why she wouldn't get up to go to the bathroom, and she would tell me she didn't know she needed to go," says Michelle, from Bethalto, Illinois, speaking about her 9-year-old daughter. After trying several possible "cures," Michelle realized that her daughter didn't wet the bed so often when she wasn't extremely tired. If you're a parent like Michelle, who has dealt with intermittent bedwetting since her daughter was 6, it may seem like this phase of your child's life will never end. But that's not true.

Most children stop wetting the bed as they get older .

In fact, according to the Michigan Urology Center at Michigan University in Ann Arbor, only 5% of 10-year-olds still wet the bed. And according to the National Kidney Foundation, only one or two children out of 100 still wet the bed at age 15.

How can I reassure my child?

Until it stops, how you react to your child's "accidents" can have a big impact on how they feel about bedwetting. Scolding, spanking, or otherwise making your child feel uncomfortable won't speed up progress and will only damage their self-esteem. It's important for parents to know that children who wet the bed are usually asleep when it happens, so it's not a conscious or intentional act, says Dr. Warren Silberstein, a pediatrician practicing in Lynbrook, NY. Not only is it pointless to punish children for bedwetting, but punishing and shaming them can make the situation worse.

Dr. Silberstein suggests addressing the issue by first scheduling an appointment with your child's doctor. "If your child is over 6 and still wetting the bed, you should consider having them examined by their pediatrician," he says. "Once your doctor is involved, they can monitor your child's condition and ensure they are developing properly for their age." After speaking with the pediatrician, it's important for parents to continue reassuring their child that bedwetting is a common problem and they are not alone in facing it, says Molly Haig, director of information and the helpline at Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence (ERIC).

What can we do until the bedwetting stops?

To help manage the problem until it resolves, try disposable absorbent underwear . This can help prevent bedwetting, meaning your child won't be up in the middle of the night changing the sheets or putting blankets and pillows on the floor. Also, if your child is spending the night at a friend's house or camping, they can discreetly put on the disposable underwear when changing into their pajamas, ensuring a worry-free night's sleep. While some parents worry that disposable absorbent underwear might delay the point at which their child will stop wetting the bed, the National Kidney Foundation says there is no evidence that these products slow progress in this regard. These products can help your child feel more in control of their condition and give them the confidence to handle challenging situations on their own, such as sleepovers.

No matter the challenges of bedwetting, give your child some extra cuddles and frequently remind them they're not alone. You're both doing the best you can—don't give up, and the nights will soon be uneventful.