Fight the plight of bedwetting

3 steps towards a positive atmosphere for bedwetting children

How to react in the right way?

Whether your child wets the bed every night or only occasionally, you're probably wondering how best to handle the situation. While there are several solutions to the physical problem of bedwetting, and you may have already tried some, there's no set rule for how to manage the emotional distress it causes for both parent and child. Until the problem is resolved, your parenting style is crucial. Your attitude, words, and actions can foster a positive and loving atmosphere or a negative and humiliating one. You can make your child a confident and happy person, or a depressed and anxious one, simply by how you react to their bedwetting.

Here are some suggestions to make the task less daunting.

Adopt a positive attitude

If you feel shame or embarrassment as a parent about your child's bedwetting, can you imagine the shame and embarrassment your child feels? Before you can help your child cope better with their problem, you need to take care of yourself. Find support—whether from friends, family members, or other parents facing the same challenges—and share your feelings and frustrations. By being open, you show your child, as well as yourself, that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Try to remain calm and manage your emotions right after an incident. Lisa Jacoby Sutherland, a school psychologist in Wheaton, Illinois, suggests treating the situation with love and consideration. No child wants to wet the bed, Sutherland says. In fact, the humiliation is very difficult for the child. The primary source of support—usually the parent—should be on the child's side, not adding to their distress.

Also keep in mind that your child does not choose to wet the bed.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry states: Children rarely wet the bed intentionally and are usually ashamed of the incident. Rather than making the child feel bad or ashamed, parents should encourage them and express their confidence that they will soon be able to stop wetting the bed. You must see your child as the victim of a real problem, not as the perpetrator of a crime. If you maintain a healthy and positive perspective, your child will adopt a similar attitude and cope much better with their bedwetting.

Choosing your words

When dealing with bedwetting, word choice is crucial. Sometimes less is more. When an accident occurs, try to minimize negative comments and focus on comforting the child. Allowing the child to help clean up can foster a sense of responsibility, but Sutherland says the child should only remove the sheets and put them in the wash. "I'm afraid doing more could lead to humiliation or be perceived as punishment, which should be avoided at all costs," she says. Don't let bedwetting incidents dominate the conversation. "It shouldn't be a major issue in family life," Sutherland says.

• Find opportunities to compliment your child on their accomplishments.
• Only discuss the problem when your child is ready and wants to talk about it.
• By bringing up the subject too often or at the wrong time, your child will feel that their bedwetting is a bigger problem than it actually is.

Of course, always make sure these conversations are private to avoid further embarrassing your child. Talk to their siblings and other family members to ensure they understand the issue and never upset the child about it.

Use tact

Actions speak louder than words, so don't act too quickly or drastically when faced with your child's bedwetting. How can you convince your child that bedwetting isn't a big deal if you call every doctor and child psychiatrist in the country? Take it one step at a time, and start simple. If your child only wets the bed occasionally, try to determine if any stressors might be responsible. A change in routine, whether simple (like a new teacher) or complex (like parental divorce), can cause bedwetting. Most experts agree that stress can be a contributing factor. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, bedwetting can occur as a result of changes or events that make a child anxious.

• a move to a new environment
• the loss of a family member or loved one
• or, most importantly, the arrival of a new baby or child at home.

Take steps to reduce your child's stress and to see if the bedwetting problem persists.

If you can't pinpoint any specific stressors and your child's bedwetting is a regular occurrence, or if you suspect the problem is more physiological, you should talk to your child's doctor about treatment options. Keep in mind, however, that in many cases, the best cure is time, says Sutherland. The National Kidney Foundation says most children will outgrow the problem, and each year, 15% do. Jane, a mother of five , experienced bedwetting with two of her children. She tried everything the doctor suggested, even an alarm to wake the child when they wet the bed. She says these methods weren't very helpful, and both children eventually stopped wetting the bed on their own.

A simple solution to help you manage the problem until it resolves itself is to use disposable underwear. This can spare your child the embarrassment of waking up in wet sheets and save you several loads of laundry. If you decide to follow a treatment prescribed by your child's doctor, and you and your child are comfortable enough to try it, offer your support and be optimistic and encouraging. Above all, be patient, and don't let bedwetting damage your relationship with your child. One day, bedwetting will be a thing of the past, but your child will never forget the love and support you gave them.