Help for families with multiple children suffering from bedwetting

Like brother, like sister:

Bedwetting is always a challenge, for both parent and child, and when both parents have more than one child who wets the bed, it can become even more difficult to manage. But with a few tips and knowing that it's often hereditary, you'll be on the path to better mornings.

A family affair

Bedwetting is common in children and young teenagers, and it's something they can't control. It's even more frequent if one or both parents also wet the bed as children. Studies show that if one parent wet the bed, then 40% of their children will have the same problem, says Dr. Michael Ritchey, a pediatric urologist at Hermann Hospital in Houston, Texas. If both parents wet the bed, then 60 to 70% of their children will also wet the bed. So, if you or your spouse used to wet the bed, there's a chance that one of your children will experience the same problem. In some families, bedwetting even affects more than one child.

Two of Glynda Hayes's three children* wet the bed. "My father and brother both wet the bed while they were growing up," Hayes says. Karla Giramonti, a nurse practitioner in the urology department at Albany Medical Center in New York City, says she isn't surprised that Hayes has more than one child with bedwetting. "I tell parents that if one child wets the bed, there's a chance the others will have the same problem," she says. However, the fact that some of your children wet the bed and others don't can be difficult for them to understand. Hayes says she has trouble explaining to her children why two of the three wet the bed. "They tend to wonder why them," she says. Although Hayes says her children don't talk about the problem together, they encourage each other. "They respect each other and don't argue about it," she says. My second son and my daughter never babbled about their older brother's bedwetting.

Different treatments

Dr. Ritchey explains that the treatment is the same whether there is one or more bedwetting children in the family. However, it is usually easier to treat the second child, he says. Parents tend to worry less if an older sibling has already been treated and outgrew the problem as they grew up. Siblings may also respond differently to treatment methods, experiencing, for example, different side effects from medications. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution to bedwetting, there are solutions, such as wearing protective pads, that help parents and children cope with bedwetting and reduce stress for everyone until the child overcomes the problem as they grow up. “I try everything, regardless of past experiences,” says Giramonti. “I treat each child as a new patient. What doesn’t work for the older brother might be the perfect solution for the younger sister.” Sarah Lyons* is the mother of two bedwetting children. Our son Alan*, who attends primary school, still struggles to stay dry at night, she says. But her eldest son overcame the problem at the age of 5.

Why do some children overcome bedwetting before others?

We don't know why children overcome bedwetting at different ages, says Giramonti. However, we do know that the older children are, the better their chances of overcoming bedwetting. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, bedwetting occurs in:

• 20% of 5-year-olds
• in 10% of children of 6 children
• and even in 3% of 12-year-olds.

Specific challenges

If you have twins, triplets, or more, you might face the added challenge of having children of the same age who wet the bed. If the children are identical and share the same genetic code, there's an even greater chance that both will wet the bed if one has this problem. Parents of twins become experts at everything more than once, and helping their children overcome bedwetting is no exception. No matter what you do for one child, you'll do it for the other, whether it's limiting fluids at bedtime or taking them to the bathroom before bed. Jessica Anderson*, a mother of identical twins, says she came out of the experience stronger. "I have to be mentally and physically stronger than my friends without bedwetting twins," she says. "I lift them out of bed and take them to the bathroom, and I mentally prepare myself to preserve their self-esteem by constantly explaining that their problem is natural and that there's nothing wrong with them." It's exhausting, but that's my life right now. I know this too shall pass!

One of Hayes's biggest challenges is getting support from others. "When my friends and I come across the topic, they look at me in disbelief," she says. "It's like they think I'm doing something wrong because I have two children who wet the bed." Which, of course, isn't true. It's important to seek support from people who understand that bedwetting is nobody's fault—neither the parents' nor the bedwetting children's. The website It offers many ways to connect with other parents facing the same problem. When you have three children, laundry is always a challenge, and when you have more than one who wets the bed, it can become overwhelming. "When my son and daughter both have accidents on the same night, there's a lot of laundry to do to remake the beds," Hayes says.

To help reduce laundry, children can wear disposable protection, such as absorbent underwear or adult diapers, to keep their sheets dry. “Our children wear disposable underwear at night,” says Amy Devries, a mother of two bedwetting children. She notes that disposable underwear probably costs about the same as doing laundry every day. “It’s also less stressful for everyone,” she says.

Expert tips

The following suggestions come from the Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the National Kidney Foundation (NKF), and mothers with more than one bedwetting child to help your child overcome the challenges of bedwetting and stay dry:

• Put an end to the teasing. The AAP suggests imposing a rule on family members who don't wet the bed so they don't annoy those who are affected.
• Emphasize each child's achievements in other areas . The NKF recommends discussing sporting and academic achievements in front of others, so that each child receives positive feedback.
• Let children know that bedwetting is a personal matter and that they do not have to talk about it in front of other children.

“We sat down with my youngest son and gently told him that his older brother’s bedwetting was a family matter,” said Glynda Hayes*, whose three children wet the bed, “and that it wasn’t something to discuss with the others.”

• Treat each child with bedwetting separately .

• Minimize the hassle of changing wet sheets. Hayes suggests putting several layers of sheets and plastic mattress protectors on the bed. If an accident happens in the middle of the night, you can simply remove the top layer of sheets and the first mattress protector, and the bed will still be ready.

• Use absorbent products . Many mothers appreciate the advantage of having less laundry to do, and less stress as a result, as well as the effect on the child's self-esteem when wearing such products.

While bedwetting is perfectly normal during childhood, we have chosen to change the names of individuals in our articles to protect their privacy. Remember that, according to the National Kidney Foundation, more than five to seven million children over the age of five wet the bed in the United States.