Tammy Gold, a psychotherapist in New York, says that bedtime anxiety is not uncommon in children with bedwetting beyond the age of five. Before age five, children don't really understand that not everyone wets the bed, Gold says. After age five, about 25% of all children still wet the bed; by age six, it's 10%, and so on as children get older. Eventually, they realize that bedwetting is a problem, which can negatively affect their view of bedtime.

The best bedroom

Gold says that managing bedtime anxiety isn't just about what you do in the evening. Parents need to sit down with the child, explain that bedwetting is something they can't control, and tell them they want to help them manage the problem. The joy of going to bed can require some planning, and where better to start than with the bedroom décor? Children become very attached to the various characters they see in movies or on television, Gold says. Let the child choose sheets with a character they like and buy them matching pajamas—at least two of each. If you can make or buy a poster with the same character, that's great. Transform the child's bedroom into an inviting place where they are happy to go to sleep. It can be helpful for the parent and child to make the bed together. Taking part in this task can lead the child to take ownership of the environment where he sleeps, which will make the bed more inviting as well.

Relax and reflect

Aileen McCabe-Maucher, a registered nurse and adjunct faculty member at Delaware Technical and Community College, says that bonding at bedtime is a great activity. She shares this tip with the families she counsels to help turn bedtime into a positive experience for bedwetting children: Create a special bedtime book and ask your child to help. The book can include photos of your child from birth to the present day. It should include positive comments about your child and family, focusing on your love for the child and their strengths and talents. You can also add photos of friends, favorite foods, and pets. "It's a great way to spend quality family time and nurture your child's creative spirit," says McCabe-Maucher. "In my daughter's book, I included her ultrasound pictures and photos taken during my pregnancy." Under the photos, I wrote: Mom and Dad loved you even before you were born and will always love you, no matter what happens. McCabe-Maucher also encourages families of adopted children to post photos taken during the adoption process, such as photos of the social worker who conducted the family assessment and any other people involved, and any relevant documents.

View together

Lonna Corder, a parenting educator in San Francisco, California, says that teaching children breathing and visualization techniques is quickly becoming the go-to method for helping kids cope with stress and overcome anxiety. Before bedtime, have the child take several deep breaths, starting from their abdomen, inhaling through their nose and exhaling through their mouth. Ask the child to visualize each part of their body, one after the other, beginning with their feet, to "feel" each part and imagine them relaxed. Corder also recommends yoga for children because of its relaxing postures and breathing techniques. "The key is to reduce anxiety, and these techniques have proven effective for both children and adults," Corder says.

Additional Strategies

In addition to these techniques, experts recommend the following strategies to prevent children from becoming stressed or overstimulated after school and before bedtime:

• Look at your child's schedule. Corder says that if the child participates in so many activities that they don't get home until late, you should consider lightening their schedule so that they are home at least two hours before bedtime to have time to unwind.
• Turn everything off. Television, video games, computers, and other electronic devices should be banned at least two hours before bedtime. All these activities can overstimulate the child and prevent them from relaxing and sleeping well.
• Don't ban fluids. Instead, monitor their consumption after a certain time and observe what children drink during the day. Gold notes that most children drink little during the day because they are at school. They often immediately pour themselves a soft drink when they get home. Encourage them to drink plenty of water and unsweetened, non-carbonated beverages until a few hours before bedtime, then gradually reduce their intake, allowing only water, and in smaller quantities as bedtime approaches.
• Make sure you have a good night light so your child can find their way to the bathroom without being afraid to get up.
• Help your child organize their room and keep it that way. Corder says it's calming for children when everything has its place and is put away properly.
• Incorporate activities like reading or singing into your bedtime routine. This will help children look forward to bedtime.
• Always bundle up your children and tell them you love them. If there's a recipe for a good night's sleep, this might be it!