Organizing a sleepover for children who wet the bed

This can be very upsetting for children, and they're both sad about missing out because they're afraid of wetting the bed and angry because their body isn't cooperating and there's something wrong with them but not with other children, says Dr. Bartell. The unpredictability is hard for them to handle and makes them feel like they're not in control of their bodies. They often blame themselves, without realizing it's a matter of physical maturity. One of the biggest problems with bedwetting is that it's not often talked about. Children often feel like they're the only ones with this problem. The bedwetting child may feel that sleepovers are beyond their capabilities. Debbie Schmidt, a mother of two in Portland, Oregon, says her son didn't participate in sleepovers until he was older. "I think he dreaded them," Schmidt says. "When he was younger, he didn't think about it, but as he got older, he was afraid of what others would think. I learned in scouts that other boys who also suffered from bedwetting wore absorbent products."

Dr. Bartell emphasizes the importance of helping these children realize they are not alone in struggling with bedwetting. This can be achieved by telling children that others have the same problem, reading them books, and, if appropriate, sharing your own experiences (it may be genetic) or the experience of an older sibling, she says. According to Dr. Bartell, a sleepover can give a child more independence and self-esteem. It encourages the child to separate from their parents, helping them feel older, which is especially important for those who feel like a baby because they wet the bed, says Dr. Bartell. The child learns that bedwetting doesn't have to be an obstacle to the fun experiences of childhood. The child also learns to empathize with someone in the same situation.

A successful sleepover

Dr. Bartell does, however, offer some words of caution to parents. For some children, a sleepover with another child in the same situation can be beneficial, as it eliminates the need to hide the problem or feel embarrassed, says Dr. Bartell. However, if one child wakes up wet but the others don't, they may still feel embarrassed. And even if the friend has the same problem, the one who doesn't wet the bed might annoy the other, feeling like they're on the other side of the issue for once. Be proactive in these situations. "Talk to both children beforehand and have them discuss what would happen if one wet the bed and the other didn't," says Dr. Bartell. Lead by example and teach them encouraging things to say to each other the night before, then talk to both of them about how they feel about sharing the experience. Help them feel confident that it will be a positive experience for both of them, then be there first thing in the morning to monitor their interactions and, if necessary, intervene in an encouraging way. It's also important to inform the other children's parents about the sleepover schedule. Their child may be going to the bathroom at a set time, and you should be aware of that.

Here are some other key tips:

• If the children involved are older, you might want to take a more discreet approach. It could be a good reminder to leave disposable underwear or pads in plain sight in the bathroom and to limit liquids in the evening.
• If one of the invited children is very embarrassed by their bedwetting, ask their parents to place their incontinence pads at the bottom of their sleeping bag.
• Limit your child's caffeine intake and excitement levels before bedtime. The last activity of your sleepover should be relaxing, such as a movie or a quiet craft project while listening to soft music.
• Remember to send everyone to the bathroom before turning off the lights.

Make sure they have fun!

Penny Warner is a child development specialist and author. She believes the best way to have a successful sleepover is to make sure the children have fun. "When hosting a sleepover, it's a good idea to communicate with the parents to let them know what you have planned," says Warner. "It's also a good time to ask if their child has bedwetting problems and offer to provide disposable underwear or pads."

Warner offers the following tips to ensure your sleepover is a success:

• Organize a scavenger hunt. Hide fun objects around the house, write clues leading to hidden treasures, and have the children find them. For even more fun, use the ingredients for a special snack or the components of a craft project as the objects. Or, organize a scavenger hunt in the house or yard with teams racing to find the items.
• Personalize your own T-shirts. Ask the children to bring in blank T-shirts or provide some inexpensive ones. Then have the children decorate and personalize the T-shirts with fabric paint, Puff Paint, and permanent markers. Add stick-on embellishments.
• Camp outside—or inside! Set up tents outside if the weather permits. Otherwise, set them up inside and let the kids camp in the house. Offer camping-style food like hot dogs. Tell ghost stories around a "campfire" with flashlights, and sleep in the tents.
• Have a karaoke night. Rent, borrow, or buy a karaoke machine, and let the kids sing their hearts out. Film the performances and have them replay them for an audience with popcorn and soda. Vote for "funniest," "most off-the-wall," "best impression," and so on.

Hosting a sleepover for bedwetting children requires tact, planning, and communication. But by thinking ahead and planning in advance, you can ensure your child doesn't miss out on this fun and important part of childhood!