A visit to Grandma's

Helping Grandparents Understand Bedwetting Announcing that you're going to Grandma's takes on a whole new meaning when a grandchild wets the bed, especially during long vacations. Debbie Wolfe and her five-year-old son, Cole, know all about that. "I started by buying absorbent underwear. I have to say, they're the best thing around, and I wish I'd had them when I was little," says Wolfe, who, like her husband, wet the bed as a child. "They worked, but if Cole was sleeping over at his grandparents' house and we forgot them, he'd have an accident." According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, about 15 percent of children wet the bed after age 3 , and bedwetting usually stops around puberty. Even though bedwetting is common in children, grandparents sometimes have trouble understanding the situation. They may think bedwetting is a serious health problem or that parents should try harder to stop it. But with a little communication, grandparents can help and, more importantly, offer support. Communication between parents and grandparents is very important, says Amy Goyer, coordinator of the AARP Grandparent Clearinghouse. It may be a good idea to show grandparents information or literature about bedwetting to help them understand. This approach can be very effective because grandparents tend to respect information from experts. Goyer says that parents of bedwetters often mistake their own parents' sincerity for interference, which can cause unnecessary friction between the two parties. She emphasizes that education and open conversations are the best way to avoid conflict. Don't assume grandparents won't understand, she says. They're more likely to be concerned because they love their grandchild. They generally don't get involved just to get involved. Parents (of bedwetters) should be patient in discussing the issue with their own parents and share what they already know about bedwetting. Goyer notes that grandparents often have more time to research the topic online or at the library. She suggests appealing to their desire to help rather than believing they're trying to take charge of the situation. Grandparents can be a great help, she says. However, they should pass on the information they find and leave it at that. Let the parents handle it. Disposable protections (diapers, pants) are a good start: Because she used to wet the bed, Wolfe understands what her son is going through with bedwetting. "I remember how I felt when I would go somewhere else to spend the night, afraid I'd fall asleep because of the embarrassment," she says. "I decided to do everything I could to help my son stop (wetting the bed). At home, Wolfe and her son devised a system that works well, including using absorbent underwear and scheduling times to get up during the night to prevent accidents. Eventually, he would wake up early in the morning, change his underwear, and put a pad on the bed so he wouldn't have to wake me up," she says. "That was largely because he was only 4 at the time, so I ended up waking him two or more times a night. It works for Wolfe. As long as I do it this way, he stays dry all night," she says. It's getting heavier and heavier to carry, but it's worth it to be told in the morning: “Mom, I didn't wet the bed today!” It makes him so proud. He never remembers me waking him up, so I really don't make a big deal about it. I just tell him I'm proud of him because he didn't wet the bed all night. In the family for the holidays Wolfe takes special precautions when her son spends the night at his grandparents' house. "When Cole sleeps over at my parents' house, I just make sure my mom stops giving him anything to drink around 7:00 p.m. and sends him to the bathroom before bed," she says. "I tell my mom to wake him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, just to make sure he doesn't have an accident. It's worked so well that there are days when we don't even have to take him to the bathroom while he's sleeping, and he wakes up in the morning without an accident." Happy stories like Wolfe's are rarer during seasonal trips. To make the situation less stressful for everyone, Goyer suggests consulting with grandparents or family before the visit to make arrangements. "First and foremost, it's important to prepare in advance," she says. Don't wait until you get to the grandparents' house to talk about it. Send them information about bedwetting if they're not familiar with the subject, and show them how you're handling it. If you don't talk about it first, Grandma will change the child's sheets in the morning and may get worried. Always communicate in advance and discuss bedwetting thoroughly before your stay. This is a good tip before visiting during the holidays.