A visit to Grandma's

Helping grandparents understand bedwetting

Announcing you're going to Grandma's takes on a whole new meaning when a grandchild wets the bed, especially during long stays over the holidays. Debbie Wolfe and her five-year-old son, Cole, know this all too well. "I started by buying absorbent underwear. I have to say, it's the best thing ever, and I wish I'd had some when I was little," says Wolfe, who, like her husband, wet the bed as a child. "It worked, but if Cole slept over at his grandparents' house and we'd forgotten about them, he'd have an accident."

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, about 15% of children wet the bed after the age of 3 , and bedwetting usually stops around puberty. Even though bedwetting is common in children, grandparents sometimes struggle to understand the situation. They may think bedwetting is a serious health problem or that parents should be doing more to stop it. But with a little communication, grandparents can do their part and, more importantly, offer support. Communication between parents and grandparents is very important, says Amy Goyer, coordinator of the AARP Grandparent Information Center. It can be helpful to show grandparents information or resources about bedwetting to help them understand. This approach can be very effective because grandparents tend to respect information from experts.

Goyer says that parents of bedwetting children often mistake their own parents' sincerity for interference, which can cause unnecessary friction between the two parties. She emphasizes that education and open conversations are the best way to avoid conflict. Don't assume grandparents won't understand, she says. They're more likely to be concerned because they love their grandchild. Generally, they don't interfere just for the sake of interfering. Parents (of bedwetting children) should be patient when discussing the issue with their own parents and share what they already know about bedwetting. Goyer notes that grandparents often have more time to research the topic online or at the library. She suggests appealing to their desire to help rather than assuming they're trying to take over the situation. Grandparents can be a great help, she said. However, they should only pass on the information they've found and leave it at that. Let the parents handle it.

Disposable products (diapers, pants) are a good start:

Because she used to wet the bed, Wolfe understands what her son goes through with bedwetting. “I remember how I felt about sleeping somewhere else, afraid I’d fall asleep because of the embarrassment,” she says. “I decided I would do everything I could to help my son stop.” At home, Wolfe and her son devised a system that works well, including using absorbent underwear and scheduling nighttime wake-up times to avoid accidents. “Eventually, he would wake up early in the morning, change his underwear, and put a towel on the bed so I wouldn’t have to wake him,” she says. “It was largely because he was only 4 at the time, so I ended up waking him up two or more times a night. It works for Wolfe. As long as I do it this way, he stays dry all night,” she says. It's getting heavier and heavier to carry, but it's worth it to hear in the morning:

“Mommy, I didn’t wet the bed today!” That makes him so proud. He never remembers me waking him up, so I really don’t make a big deal out of it. I just tell him I’m proud of him because he didn’t wet the bed last night.

With the family for the holidays

Wolfe takes special precautions when her son spends the night at his grandparents' house. "When Cole sleeps over at my parents' house, I just make sure my mom doesn't give him anything to drink around 7:00 p.m. and that she sends him to the bathroom before bed," she says. "I tell my mom to wake him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, just to be sure he doesn't have an accident. It's worked so well that there are days when we don't even have to take him to the bathroom while he's sleeping, and he wakes up in the morning without an accident." Happy stories like Wolfe's are less common during seasonal travel. To make the situation less stressful for everyone, Goyer suggests checking with grandparents or other family members before the visit to make arrangements. "First and foremost, it's important to be prepared in advance," she says.

Don't wait until you get to the grandparents' house to talk about it. Send them information about bedwetting if they're not familiar with the topic, and show them how you're handling it. If you don't bring it up first, Grandma will change the child's sheets in the morning and might get worried.

Always communicate in advance and discuss bedwetting thoroughly before your trip. This is good advice before going on holiday visits.