Guide to Bedwetting in Girls

Tips for Managing Bedwetting from a Female Perspective Parents know that boys and girls are different in many ways. What many parents don't realize is that bedwetting can cause emotional difficulties in girls earlier than in boys. Dr. Patrick C. Friman, clinical psychologist and director of Girls and Boys Town Outpatient Behavioral Pediatrics and Family Services in Boys Town, Nebraska, reports that Dr. F. C. Verhulst, a renowned psychiatrist and researcher, demonstrated the need 10 years ago to change the diagnostic criteria for treating enuresis, lowering the age to 5 years for girls and 8 years for boys, because he believed the epidemiology was very different for each. In other words, it is more developmentally unusual for a girl to wet the bed at age 5 than it is for a boy. Girls mature emotionally much more quickly and are much more sensitive to the social repercussions of enuresis than boys their age, says Dr. Friman. For this reason, I believe that enuresis affects girls differently and that they suffer more profoundly from it. That's why I treat girls with bedwetting at the age of 5 or 6, while I wait until 7 or 8 for boys, because they only worry about it later. Bedwetting and Emotions Hope Smith*, of Washington, says her daughter suffered from bedwetting until she was about 9 years old and was very upset about it from an early age. "One day we took her to the doctor when she was still very young, 5 or 6, and the doctor only said she would outgrow it," Smith says. "It was terrible. She was sad, and we were sad for her. Since she was our first child, we didn't know what was right or wrong and listened to the doctor, but in hindsight, I wish I hadn't listened because she was so aware of her problem and was affected by it. Even the doctor's few suggestions seemed to be a source of humiliation to her, as if she was purposely wetting the bed." Taking your daughter's bedwetting seriously before the generally accepted age can spare her negative feelings about wetting the bed. If it's clear that your daughter is struggling with her bedwetting, then she's motivated to overcome it, which is very important because, as Dr. Friman points out, dealing with bedwetting requires a great deal of cooperation from the child. Social butterflies One reason bedwetting can become a pressing problem for girls is that they often have sleepovers before boys, says Dr. Friman. This leads to embarrassment and worry for a young girl, who fears having an accident. Smith says sleepovers were a big problem for her daughter. "She was so worried [about having an accident] that she didn't want to go play with her friends or go to sleepovers anymore," she says. "When we had sleepovers here, I would distract her friends so she could sneak off and put on her sleep pants." Dr. Friman acknowledges that such social situations can be thorny for a bedwetting girl, but notes that parents can warn the parents of the child at whose house the sleepover is taking place about a potential accident. If this is done discreetly, no one will know. However, he also says that children often do not wet the bed at another house. The excitement, the festive atmosphere, and perhaps nervousness prevent them from sleeping soundly, which is often associated with bedwetting. Dr. Friman often tells parents that it's not their job to dread sleepovers. "Avoiding sleepovers for fear of bedwetting isn't always the child's decision, sometimes it's the parent's," he says. "Children sometimes don't know it's serious, but parents don't. You have to be careful and tell the child without making them feel like there's something wrong with them." To grow Smith was concerned that her daughter would remain scarred by the extreme distress she experienced at a very young age due to bedwetting. "The psychological effects of bedwetting, fortunately, didn't last," she says today. "In fact, she's now 12, and we remembered her bedwetting a few days ago. She said she almost forgot. That was a relief, because we were really worried she would be scarred by it." Dr. Friman assures parents that won't be the case. They're children, he says. Accidents happen in class and at night, and there's nothing you can do about it, but if the child is surrounded by love and stability at home, the repercussions won't be felt for long. Even before the day comes when he hasn't wet the bed for a month, the child will be so absorbed in his day-to-day life that bedwetting will no longer mean anything. Bedwetting Tips for Parents of a Girl Pay attention to your daughter's emotions. If she's upset about bedwetting and your doctor takes it lightly, consider seeing a psychologist or another doctor who will take it seriously. Don't tell your child about your bedwetting. Girls can be cruel, especially as they approach adolescence. Bedwetting should be kept between you and your child. Don't keep your daughter out of social situations . Instead, help her create a sleepover plan so she can discreetly change into her GoodNites or Pampers nightwear to manage her bedwetting while still enjoying the party. For younger children, it may be necessary to notify the other child's parents. Ensure your daughter's urinary health is maintained. Talk to her about urinary tract infections, and tell her that it's important for her to tell you if it hurts when she tries to urinate. Don't let siblings tease each other about bedwetting, but also make sure they are all equally rewarded for "positive" behavior if you reward a child for progress with bedwetting. *Name has been changed to protect privacy.