Guide to bedwetting in girls

Tips for managing bedwetting from a female perspective

Parents know that boys and girls are different in many ways. What many parents don't realize is that bedwetting can cause emotional difficulties in girls earlier than in boys.

Bedwetting and emotions

Hope Smith*, of Washington, says her daughter suffered from bedwetting until she was about nine years old and was very upset about it from a young age. “One day, we took her to the doctor when she was still very young, five or six, and the doctor just said she would get over it as she grew up,” Smith says. “It was awful. She was sad, and we were sad for her. Because she’s our first child, we didn’t know what was right or wrong and listened to the doctor, but in hindsight, I wish we hadn’t, because she was very aware of her problem and it affected her. Even the doctor’s few suggestions seemed to be a source of humiliation for her, as if she were wetting the bed on purpose.”

Taking your daughter's bedwetting seriously before the generally accepted age can spare her negative feelings about it. If it's clear that your daughter is suffering from her bedwetting, then she's motivated to overcome it, which is very important because, as Dr. Friman points out, dealing with bedwetting requires a great deal of cooperation from the child.

Social butterflies

One reason bedwetting can become an urgent problem for girls is that they often have sleepovers before boys, says Dr. Friman. This causes embarrassment and worry for a young girl, who fears having an accident.

Smith says sleepovers were a big problem for her daughter. "She was so scared [of having an accident] that she didn't want to go play with her friends or go to sleepovers anymore," she says. "When we had sleepovers here, I would distract her friends so she could sneak away and put on her pajamas."

Dr. Friman acknowledges that such social situations can be tricky for a girl who wets the bed, while noting that parents can warn the parents of the child at whose house the sleepover is taking place about a potential accident. If this is done discreetly, no one will know. However, he also says that it often happens that children don't wet the bed at another house. Excitement, the festive atmosphere, perhaps nervousness, prevent them from sleeping soundly, which is often associated with bedwetting.

Dr. Friman often tells parents that they shouldn't be the ones dreading sleepovers. "Avoiding sleepovers for fear of bedwetting isn't always the child's decision; sometimes it's the parent's," he says. "Children sometimes don't realize how serious it is, but parents do. It's important to be careful and talk to the child without making them feel like something is wrong with them."

To grow

Smith worried that her daughter would be permanently scarred by the extreme distress she experienced at a very young age due to bedwetting. “The psychological effects of bedwetting, thankfully, didn’t last,” she says now. “In fact, she’s 12 now, and we were reminded of her bedwetting a few days ago. She said she’d almost forgotten. It was a relief, because we were really afraid it would affect her.”

Dr. Friman assures parents that this won't be the case. "They're children," he says. "Accidents happen in the classroom and at night, and there's nothing we can do about it, but if the child is surrounded by love and stability at home, the repercussions won't be felt for long. Before the day they go a month without wetting the bed, the child will be so absorbed in their daily life that bedwetting will no longer mean anything."

Tips on bedwetting for parents of a girl

• Pay attention to your daughter's emotions. If she is upset by the bedwetting and your doctor is taking the situation lightly, consider consulting a psychologist or another doctor who will take her seriously.
• Don't tell her classmates about her bedwetting. Girls can be cruel, especially as they approach adolescence. Bedwetting should remain a private matter between you and your child.
• Don't exclude your daughter from social situations . Instead, help her make a plan for sleepovers so she can discreetly put on her GoodNites or Pampers nighttime underwear to manage her bedwetting while still enjoying the party. For younger children, it may be necessary to inform the other child's parents.
• Make sure your daughter's urinary health is up to date. Talk to her about urinary tract infections, telling her it's important to tell you if it hurts when she tries to urinate.
• Don't let siblings get annoyed with each other about bedwetting, but also make sure they are all equally rewarded for their "positive" behavior if you reward a child for progress with bedwetting.

* The name has been changed for privacy reasons.