Are you frustrated by bedwetting?

Tips to help you calm down Bedwetting can try even the calmest of parents. A crying child, wet sheets, and interrupted sleep can ruin anyone's night, especially for sleep-deprived parents who may already be overwhelmed by their parenting. Karen Beson understands this kind of frustration. Her 10-year-old son has been wetting the bed since he was 3. "My son sleeps very soundly," says Benson. "He has absolutely no idea we're waking him up at night. He gets mixed up and goes into his brothers' rooms, thinks he needs to brush his teeth, and so on. It's very frustrating because I feel like I'm wasting my time, and he has no idea why I'm waking him up." Benson and her husband try not to get upset about it, but it's sometimes difficult, especially because they believe they're doing everything they can to help their son control his problem. But no matter how frustrated they are, Benson feels it's imperative not to let it show in front of their child. "I think it's really important that he doesn't hear or see us [when we're frustrated], because it might make him think he's a failure, which he's not," Benson says. "And I make sure to let him know that." Terri Martin* agrees. Her son started wetting the bed around age 5, even though he'd never previously had trouble staying dry at night. She believes it's crucial to hide your frustration. "I think it's important not to put the child down, so as not to turn a physical problem into an emotional one," says Martin. Have reasonable expectations Dr. Kerrie Laguna, assistant professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, Pennsylvania, says parents often become frustrated because their expectations are unrealistic. Parents should know that bedwetting is common, especially in boys, says Dr. Laguna. Even when children are toilet-trained, they can wet the bed at night until age 6 or 7, and it's still considered normal. Controlling yourself at night requires waking in response to cues that are easily recognized during the day. Small bladders also have to work harder, and many children haven't yet developed this control during the preschool years. According to Dr. Laguna, parents shouldn't let their frustrations, especially anger, show. Children should not be made to feel guilty or belittled for something beyond their control. Part of the reason bedwetting stresses parents is that it's inconvenient for themselves. I think parents are stressed, and it adds to their already busy schedule," says Dr. Laguna. "That means doing extra laundry, for example. There's also peer pressure, in the sense that potty training shows you're a good parent." Take care of yourself It's normal for parents to feel guilty about their emotions. As more and more parents become educated about child development, there can be a conflict between what experts say and what parents feel. Parents understand that the best way to help their child is to manage their own frustration, but they often don't know how. Typically, parents are advised to take care of themselves (sleep, exercise, etc.) to cope with life's stresses, says Dr. Laguna. I believe that to counteract the stress of raising children, it's very important to know what's developmentally normal. Frustration is a normal reaction to being out of control. Just remember that, like everything else, this, too, will pass. The key is to control your frustration so you can help your child manage theirs! Less frustration The following tips can help parents manage their frustration and better help their child. Be proactive about your child's bedwetting. Talk to your child's doctor and educate yourself on the issue. Make sure you get enough sleep so that occasional interruptions don't leave you feeling edgy. Please understand that this is not something your child can control - they are not doing it on purpose! Remember that accidents can happen no matter what you and your child do to prevent them. Just because a program isn't working doesn't mean your child should give up. Sometimes all it takes is time. It can be helpful to share your frustration with family members or friends. Just make sure you do it somewhere your child can't hear. Use disposable underwear or pads until your child stays consistently dry. Changing sheets is a big part of the frustration, and it's not worth it when such products are available. *Name has been changed to protect privacy.