Behind Closed Doors: There's No Shame in Bedwetting

It's happened again: your son or daughter has wet the bed. Night after night, parents like you have to deal with your child's bedwetting. Because it's an embarrassing situation, many children feel ashamed when they wake up wet. That's why it's important for parents to help their child understand that they haven't done anything wrong and that it's a normal part of many children's development. Why is this happening to us? To alleviate feelings of shame, it's important to help your child understand why they wet the bed and reassure them that many other children experience the same problem. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, one in five 5-year-olds and one in 10 6-year-olds wet the bed. Although the causes of bedwetting vary from child to child, most often it's just a matter of waiting for the body to mature. Some children simply have a small bladder; these children will most often outgrow the problem as their bladder grows with the rest of their body, says Dr. Vinau N. Reddy, assistant professor of pediatrics and human development at Michigan State University. Often, children who wet the bed sleep so soundly that they don't wake up when they need to go to the bathroom. "I always asked my daughter why she didn't get up to go to the bathroom, and she told me she didn't know she had to," says Michelle, of Bethalto, Illinois, of her 9-year-old daughter. After trying several possible "cures," Michelle found that her daughter didn't wet the bed as often when she wasn't extremely tired. If you're a parent like Michelle, who has had to deal with bedwetting on and off since her daughter was 6, it may seem like this phase of your child's life will never end. But that's not true. Most children stop wetting the bed as they get older . In fact, according to the Michigan Urology Center at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, only 5% of 10-year-olds continue to wet the bed. And according to the National Kidney Foundation, only one or two in 100 children still wet the bed by age 15. How can I reassure my child? Until it stops, how you respond to your child's "accidents" can have a big impact on how they feel about wetting the bed. Scolding your child, spanking them, or otherwise making them feel bad won't accelerate their progress and will only hurt their self-esteem. It's important for parents to know that children who wet the bed are usually asleep when it happens, and therefore it's not conscious or intentional, says Dr. Warren Silberstein, a pediatrician practicing in Lynbrook, NY. Not only is it pointless to punish children for wetting the bed, but punishing and ridiculing them can make the situation worse. Dr. Silberstein suggests addressing the issue by first making an appointment with the child's doctor. If your child is over 6 and still wets the bed, you should consider having them checked out by their pediatrician, he says. Once your doctor is involved, they can monitor your child's condition and make sure they are developing appropriately for their age. After speaking with the pediatrician, it's important for parents to continue to reassure their child that bedwetting is a common problem and that they are not alone in dealing with it, says Molly Haig, director of information and the helpline for Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence (ERIC). What can we do until the bedwetting stops? To help manage the problem until it clears up, try disposable absorbent underwear . These can help prevent your child from wetting the bed, which means they won't be up in the middle of the night changing sheets or putting blankets and pillows on the floor. Additionally, if your child is staying overnight or camping, they can discreetly put on the disposable underwear while changing into their pajamas, ensuring a worry-free night's sleep. While some parents worry that disposable absorbent underwear will delay the bedwetting process, there is no evidence that these products slow progress toward wetting, according to the National Kidney Foundation. These products can help your child feel more in control and give them the confidence to handle difficult situations, such as sleepovers, on their own. No matter how challenging bedwetting can be, give your child a few extra cuddles and remind them frequently that they're not alone. You're both doing the best you can—don't give up, and the nights will soon be uneventful.