Fight the bedwetting blues

3 Steps to a Positive Atmosphere for Bedwetting Children It's the middle of the night. You hear a timid knock on your bedroom door, then the plaintive voice of your child saying, "I wet the bed." You want to respond in a way that will reassure him, but you're tired and the words won't come. How to react in the right way? Whether your child wets the bed every night or only occasionally, you're probably wondering how best to handle the situation. While there are several solutions to the physical problem of bedwetting, and you may have tried some of them, there are no hard and fast rules for dealing with the emotional distress it causes for both parent and child. Until the problem is resolved, how you respond as a parent to your child's bedwetting is crucial. Your attitude, words, and actions can foster a positive, loving atmosphere or a negative, humiliating one. You can turn your child into a confident, fulfilled person, or a depressed, anxious one, simply by how you respond to their bedwetting. Here are some suggestions to make the task less daunting. Adopt a positive attitude If you feel ashamed or embarrassed as a parent about your child's bedwetting, can you imagine the shame and embarrassment they feel? Before you can help your child cope better with their problem, you need to take care of yourself. Find support—whether it's friends, family members, or other parents facing similar challenges—and share your feelings and frustrations. By being open, you show your child, as well as yourself, that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Try to be calm and hold back your emotions immediately after an incident. Lisa Jacoby Sutherland, a school psychologist in Wheaton, Illinois, suggests handling the situation with love and consideration. No child wants to wet the bed, says Sutherland. In fact, humiliation is very difficult for the child. The primary source of support—usually the parent—should be on the child's side, not adding to their torment. Also keep in mind that your child is not choosing to wet the bed. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry states: Children rarely wet the bed intentionally and are usually ashamed of the incident. Rather than making the child feel bad or ashamed, parents should encourage the child and express confidence that the bedwetting problem will soon be over. You should view your child as the victim of a real problem, not the perpetrator of a crime. If you maintain a healthy, positive perspective, your child will adopt a similar attitude and cope much better with bedwetting. Choose your words carefully When dealing with bedwetting, word choice is also very important. Sometimes it's best not to talk too much. When an incident occurs, try to minimize negative comments and focus on comforting the child. Allowing the child to help clean up can give them a sense of responsibility, but Sutherland says the child should only strip the sheets and put them in the laundry. "I worry that doing more can lead to humiliation or be perceived as punishment, which should be avoided at all costs," she says. "Don't let bedwetting incidents dominate the conversation. It shouldn't be a big issue in the family's life," Sutherland says. Find opportunities to compliment your child on their accomplishments. Only discuss the problem when your child is ready and wants to talk about it. Bringing up the topic too often or at the wrong time will make your child feel like their bedwetting is a bigger problem than it actually is. Of course, always make sure these conversations are held in private to avoid further embarrassing your child. Talk to your child's siblings and other family members to make sure they understand the problem and never irritate your child about it. Use tact Actions speak louder than words, so don't act too quickly or drastically when faced with your child's bedwetting. How can you convince your child that bedwetting isn't a big deal if you call every doctor and child psychiatrist in the country? Take it one step at a time, and start simply. If your child only wets the bed occasionally, try to determine if certain stressors could be responsible. A change in routine, simple (like a new teacher) or complex (like a parents' divorce), can cause bedwetting. Most experts agree that stress can be a factor in bedwetting, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Bedwetting can occur following changes or events that make a child anxious: a move to a new environment the loss of a family member or loved one or especially, the arrival of a new baby or child at home. Take steps to reduce your child's stress and see if the bedwetting problem persists. If you can't point to any specific stressors and your child's bedwetting occurs regularly, or if you suspect the source of the problem is more physiological, you should talk to your child's doctor to discuss ways to treat the problem. Keep in mind, however, that in many cases the best cure is time, says Sutherland. The National Kidney Foundation says most children will outgrow the problem, and each year, 15 percent of them do so. Jane, a mother of five , experienced bedwetting problems with two of her children. She tried everything the doctor suggested, even an alarm to wake the child when they wet the bed. She says these methods weren't very helpful, and both children eventually stopped wetting on their own. A simple solution to help you manage the problem until it passes is to use disposable underwear. They can spare your child the embarrassment of waking up in wet sheets and save you several washes. If you end up following a treatment prescribed by your child's doctor, and you and your child are comfortable enough to try it, offer your support and be optimistic and encouraging. Above all, be patient, and don't let bedwetting damage your relationship with your child. One day, bedwetting will be a thing of the past, but your child will never forget the love and support you gave them.