Bedwetting has more than one address

A reader is concerned because her 8-year-old son wets the bed, but not during extended stays with his grandmother, who lives in another state. Another reader wonders why her 10-year-old stepson wets the bed when he sleeps at her house, but not when he sleeps at his biological mother's. According to Dr. David Fay, a family medicine physician and associate director of the Waukesha Family Practice Residency Program in Waukesha, Wisconsin, it is quite common for bedwetting to occur in separate homes. Managing the problem requires communication and cooperation between the parties. Possible reasons No single "cause" of bedwetting has been identified. Genetics is a major factor, as is bladder capacity. Many experts also believe that bedwetting may be a sleep disorder. Dr. Fay believes that the combination of bladder capacity and an emotional problem can trigger bedwetting in children living at more than one address. Most children who wet the bed already have a limited bladder capacity, so they have little control, says Dr. Fay. That's why any stressful situation can cause them to regress and wet the bed again. Children who wet the bed in one house, but not the other, can be divided into two basic categories: Children who continue to wet the bed have been examined, treated, made progress, and have started wetting the bed again. Children who have never wet the bed before and started in one house or the other. In the first case, Dr. Fay says the child's perception of the bedwetting household is different from their perception of the other household. It's possible that in one household, the parent severely restricts fluids before bedtime, takes the child to the bathroom several times a night, and generally sticks to the routine they've established to help the child stay dry. This routine may not be in place in the bedwetting household. To resolve this issue, parents in both households should compare their routines and make sure they're as similar as possible. In the second scenario, Dr. Fay says the reasons may be emotional. This means your child is upset about something going on in their life, and bedwetting is a manifestation of that. When it comes to sleep, Shelly Morris, director of the Enuresis Clinic of America, says a child is less likely to wet the bed in a home where they sleep less well or less soundly. It's the same for an adult moving to a new bed, such as a hotel room, Morris says. When you're away, you don't sleep as well. If your child isn't sleeping soundly, they may wake up more easily to go to the bathroom. Morris explains that this is often the reason why children don't wet the bed at a sleepover or during the first few days of camp. It can also be the case when the child sleeps over at a relative's house or divides time between divorced or separated parents. The keys to solving the problem are cooperation, communication, and consistency between the two households. When parties can communicate and are willing to collaborate, there are many strategies for managing bedwetting, including motivational therapy, absorbent products, sleep and bladder conditioning, and medication. These approaches are discussed in detail on the website. Constructive communication Frank, of Strasburg, Pennsylvania, says his daughter wets the bed as much at his house as at her mother's. He feels his daughter, at 6, is old enough not to wet the bed at night, but his ex-wife refuses to address the situation. His new wife believes he should do more to resolve the problem himself and confront his ex-wife. Frank fears that a confrontation will cause more bitterness and make the problem worse. Divorce can be bitter, and children can find themselves caught between two parents. Emily Bouchard, a blended family trainer and counselor, says that if one parent bury their head in the sand and refuses to acknowledge the problem, the best strategy is to let it go. If your ex-wife absolutely refuses to address the situation, don't take it too personally, says Bouchard. Instead, try to understand her reasons so you can understand what your child is experiencing in the other home. Beyond that, it's important to get the child's perspective. If the child believes bedwetting isn't a problem and doesn't mind wearing absorbent underwear to bed, then it's best not to make a big deal out of it. Making sure the child goes to the bathroom before bedtime or taking them to the bathroom one last time before bed are habits that can help prevent incidents. Additionally, the bedwetting child can help convince the other parent. But it's important not to create a confrontation, says Bouchard. It may be enough to help the child visualize a dry night in your house and reward them if they succeed. Another good idea is to set up a chart where the child can put stickers when they don't wet the bed. Perhaps the child will take the chart to their other home. The most important thing is that everyone involved considers the child's best interests. Managing bedwetting in the best possible way for your child and family, or addressing the hidden problem that bedwetting may be revealing, will make both your family and your child happier.