Surviving Sleepovers

Sleepovers are a rite of passage for children starting elementary school. But for some kids, they can be a source of anxiety. Not because they're afraid of being separated from Mom and Dad, but because they're afraid of wetting the bed. For example, Paula Benson's son, who struggled to stay dry at night until he was 11, was afraid of having an accident when he was away from home. Basically, he avoided every sleepover that came his way. "If he went somewhere, he forced himself to stay up all night," she said.

So what should you do when you receive an invitation to a sleepover?

Talk to your child to see if it's bothering them. Once you know what your child is worried about, you can help them plan a successful sleepover. Below are some questions that might come up in your conversation and tips to help you prepare your answers.

1 - Nobody but me wets the bed at the sleepover!

That may be true, but two out of ten children aged 5 to 10 wet the bed, so chances are your child has friends with the same problem. Most children aren't comfortable talking about bedwetting with their peers, so it's rarely the subject brought up. Check out the website offering absorbent products and where you will find more practical information and statistics on bedwetting. Even if your child is likely (or not) to be the only one to wet the bed at a sleepover, it can be encouraging for them to know that, all over the world, children who struggle with bedwetting survive sleepovers.

2 - My friends will think I'm a baby because I wear disposable underwear!

One of the great things about absorbent underwear is that no one knows you're wearing it! It's practically invisible under pajamas. Ashley Davis*, from Evanston, Illinois, has a 6-year-old son who wets the bed. "Only once was our son embarrassed to wear absorbent underwear in front of others," Davis says. "We were at a party, and he put on his pajamas there. My son was upset because he thought everyone knew he was wearing disposable underwear. But Davis explained to him that no one knew, and he just looked like he was wearing pajamas. Since then, many of his friends and cousins have had sleepovers, and he's never been uncomfortable," Davis says. She adds that he's happy to have sleepovers with friends without being self-conscious about his underwear.

Grace Hanes*, has a 12-year-old son who also wears absorbent products for sleepovers and who dreaded the sound disposable underwear made when he moved. He and his mother found lined fleece pants that he wears over his underwear to reduce the "creaking" noise.

3 - How am I going to dispose of the wet underwear in the morning?

Karla Giramonti, a nurse practitioner in the urology department at Albany Medical Center in New York, tells her patients to put a plastic bag with absorbent underwear in their sleeping bag. In the morning, the child can discreetly put the worn underwear in the plastic bag, roll the plastic bag up inside the sleeping bag. No one will ever know! If your child isn't bringing a sleeping bag, talk to their friend's parents before the sleepover. Ask them to show you a discreet place where your child can change clothes and dispose of the underwear .

4 - How will I manage at summer camp?

Paula Criel, director of camping services for the YMCA in the greater Houston area, says that before a child attends camp, parents fill out medical forms and a camper profile to inform counselors about issues such as bedwetting. It's not unusual for a counselor to have a few campers who wet the bed, Criel says. She adds that counselors are used to helping children conceal their problem.

5 - Can I be cured of bedwetting and thus no longer fear accidents during sleepovers?

Your pediatrician may prescribe medication to keep your child dry at night until their bladder matures. However, Giramonti says these medications don't address the underlying problem, only some of the symptoms. They also have numerous side effects, so they shouldn't be taken without first consulting a doctor. If you decide to use medication for your child's bedwetting, Dr. Michael Ritchey, a pediatric urologist in Houston, Texas, suggests starting a few days before the event, as it might not work. "My son tried some medications," says Hanes. Since they didn't work, her son now uses disposable underwear for outings, and he's making the most of it.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.